what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
