I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
