Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish there were birth control emojis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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