would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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