Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
