I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
