I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
