my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
