Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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