Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
