she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
