We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
