Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
