In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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