he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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