I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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