How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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