Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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