he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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