Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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