Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
