I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
