So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
