I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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