Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Can I color on your dick again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
