pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
