And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
