soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
