is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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