I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
