So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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