So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
