I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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