he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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