I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
