i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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