I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
