so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
