ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
