I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
