You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
