I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
