what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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