OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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