I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
