Quick, to the slutcave!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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