Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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