feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
