just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
