It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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