I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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